


Ikari

by PastaBagel



Series: A Different World [2]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Implied Sexual Content, Like with Misato it's only implied, Minor Ikari Shinji/Souryuu Asuka Langley, Multi, Role Reversal, Shinji Ikari is very tired, Shinji gets shit done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:07:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25908604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastaBagel/pseuds/PastaBagel
Summary: Shinji Ikari had lived a very long time and put through too many things. Yet he would still push forward no matter the cost.
Relationships: Ikari Shinji/Katsuragi Misato, Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu
Series: A Different World [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870051
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Ikari

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second part of a three-part series, so please go read that first because this fic will make zero sense if you don't.
> 
> Notice the new change in rating! Things will only get darker from here, so walk away if you don't want to read that. 
> 
> I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or it's characters.

Shinji Ikari stood below the red cross that towered over him from the railing that he stood behind, his hands were in his pockets once again and a lit cigarette hung loosely from his lips, he had since changed out of his military uniform and put on his more casual clothing with Mistao’s cross still hanging from his neck. 

Kaworu walked up to him, stopping a few meters away from him, he was still wearing his pajamas. Shinji didn’t turn around to look at him, he just kept his eyes forward watching the orange sea that held various body parts, he breathed in and out slowly as he looked at it.

“How are they?” asked Shinji, lighting another cigarette and letting the other one fall into the sea below.

“Shaken, but that’s not surprising. They’ll recover physically before they can recover mentally, I gave them some painkillers and sleep medication” answered Kaworu.

“Good, but that’s a problem for tomorrow. Have we found Fuyutsuki?” said Shinji sternly, sounding much like the late Gendo Ikari.

“From what we recovered on the body, it seems they set up a meeting once they were done here” said Kaworu.

“What time?”

“In two hours”

“Where?”

“At the relics”

Shinji took out his cigarette and flicked it into the sea of death, put his hands in his pockets and turned to walk towards the exit. Kaworu followed him as they walked back through the complex’s hallways, they stayed in silence until they reached Shinji’s blue sports car.

“Should I tell the other Children?” wondered Kaworu.

“No” answered Shinji bluntly.

“They won’t be happy with the aftermath”

“They’ll deal with it”

“The board will find out…”

“Let them, we’ll be facing a bigger problem if we let Fuyutsuki get away.”

“I can come with you”

“No, I’ll deal with this alone”

“Shinji…” Kaworu grabbed his husband’s hand, softly rubbing it.

“Have the bed ready for me, okay? I’ll be home soon”

Kaworu nodded, let go of Shinji’s hand, and watched him drive away. He looked towards the night sky, “What does the moon look like to you, child of Adam?”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_2009-3rd month of the 1st year of the Great War._

_Guns could be heard firing in the distance with the occasional grenade blast that would rock the earth. Sometimes the roaring of jet fighters would fly across the bright blue sky blowing up various targeted facilities miles beyond the infantry trenches that littered Japan’s surface._

_Shinji Ikari was leaning up against the wet, dug in, dirty ground. An assault gun leaned up against him, it felt surreal to be fighting again especially against the same organization that had caused so many worlds to crumble and experience unimagles horrors but he supposed that SEELE would never change, no matter the scenario._

_He watched the white, fluffy clouds move slowly across the blue sky with dozens of jet, aircraft carriers and helicopters move with the clouds. JSDF had wanted Shinji to draft as a pilot but he had refused, he would never pilot a machine again in his life unless he was absolutely forced to, he’d rather take his chances on the ground. They’d find plenty of other random 20-year olds to draft to fill their needs, Shinji couldn’t help but wonder if she would take up piloting again. He couldn’t imagine a world where she wouldn’t…_

_“Private Ikari!” yelled out the commanding officer as he approached Shinji, who quickly got up and saluted the short, angry man._

_“This is Private Suzuhara, you’ll be his battle buddy. Do you understand?” barked the man pointing to the boy known as Toji Suzuhara, Shinji felt ill looking at him._

_“Yes, sir!” responded Shinji ignoring how weak his voice sounded, he was still getting used to using his voice in such a loud manner._

_The man grunted and walked away leaving the two boys to get acquainted, Toji gave Shinji a smile as he introduced himself. Shinji couldn’t help but smile back although it was a weak smile, he could still hear the entry plug being crushed, with a wet sickly sound, with his hand, he could still smell the blood of the LCL and of Toji._

_“Hey, ya know you’re not allowed to wear necklaces in uniform right?” questioned Toji as he pointed at the necklace underneath Shinji’s battle uniform._

_Shinji blinked away the dead eyes and exposed cranial mass with it’s red blood slowly dripping down, and muttered “Yeah...I know...it’s just…”_

_“A girl?” Toji asked with a wide grin. “It’s okay I got somethin’ from my girl as well!”_

_“You have a girlfriend?” blurted out Shinji._

_“What did ya think I didn’t have a girl?! You don’t exactly look like the girl type!”_

_“I didn’t think that, seriously..”_

_“Hmph! She’s the prettiest girl I know! Got nothin on yours! Hell, I’ll show you proof!”_

_Toji pulled out a photo from his pocket and shoved it into Shinji’s face, it was Hikari and Toji smiling and holding bento boxes in their hands in what looked to be a school rooftop._

_“See?!”_

_“Toji, I’m happy for you..”_

_Toji gave him a confused look then grinned “You’re a weirdo, Ikari. I think we’re gonna get along great!”_

_._

_“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so-”_

_“Could...ya...put a sock...in it…Ikari?”_

_His leg felt wrong and oddly sticky…_

_._

_“I heard they’re discharging you” said Shinji._

_“Yeah, no good for a soldier, just to have one leg” replied Toji._

_“I think’s for the best, Toji”_

_“Maybe, I just wish I could’ve been useful”_

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Shinji drove past the city lights of Tokyo and took a turn down the pitch black backroads that no sane person would dare go down at this time of night. 

He had an hour to get there. To finish this drawn out battle….

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_2012-3rd year of the Great War_

_What do you wish for?_

_To hold your hand once more._

_Is that really what you wish for?_

_Of course._

_Ikari._

_Ayanami…_

_Sir!_

_Shinji slowly opened his eyes, rubbed his face and leaned up from the desk he had been sleeping on, he looked up to see a nervous lower-ranking soldier in front of him, He looked young, way younger than an early 20s something kid._

_“Sir! I didn’t mean to bother you!” said the kid._

_“You didn’t, it is my turn to go on patrol?” asked Shinji._

_The soldier nodded in acknowledgement, Shinji got from his makeshift desk which was really just a couple of tall boxes squeezed together with a plastic chair and grabbed his assault rifle. Technically, someone of his rank was above the duties of patrolling the encampment but Shinji didn’t like the feeling of being superior escapilly towards those lower rank than him but had known military life far longer than him, he really wasn’t supposed to be as high up as he was but the military had forgone any sense of a rank structure after the war started as roles needed to be filled constantly, it didn’t matter how experienced you where it mattered how you’d survive the next day._

_People would salute him as they walked past which he nervously saluted back, three years in the military fighting in bloody battles that nobody should’ve lived through and here he was still nervous around people. Shinji laughed to himself, he could think of so many friends who would be making fun of him right about now, he really hadn’t changed that much._

_Shinji looked up as a shooting star flew across the sky, in fact it had been **really** close. The light from it was almost blinding and it lit up the base as it flew past. He had the feeling it hadn’t been a shooting star…_

_BOOM!_

_The ground shook violently as the ‘star’ hit the ground near them, the base’s light flickered and people started yelling out in alarm._

_“MSG Ikari! Did you see that?!” yelled someone._

_“Yeah, I’ll go ahead! You get a group together, bring a medic as well! Someone could be injured!” called out Shinji as he immediately ran to the vehicles and drove off._

_After a short drive, he came upon a pure-white fighter jet crashed deep into the earthen ground, he turned off the vehicle and pulled out his gun, this was one of SEELE’s jets, you learned to fear the white painted jets after they wiped out entire battalions with a single pilot._

_Shinji walked slowly towards the jet, he moved to the cockpit and noticed black words written below said cockpit, he squinted his eyes to try and read it in the pitch black night._

_‘Lilith’_

_What the hell?_

_A gun cocked and pressed against the back of his forehead. Shinji stood still and raised his hands up, his gun still in his right hand. The person removed the gun and threw it into the night, as they did so, Shinji ducked his head quickly and grabbed the person by the arm and neck with a firm grip, forcing them to the ground, but his eyes widened as he looked at his attacker._

_It was Rei, she still had her bright blue hair and deep blood red eyes. She was wearing a pure white pilot’s uniform that looked awfully like her old plugsuit, it slightly creeped Shinji out seeing her in such a familiar position._

_She didn’t move as they looked into each other's eyes, Shinji couldn’t tell if she recognized him but the more important question is why the hell is she working for SEELE? Why does she have ‘Lilith’ written on her jet?_

_“Are you MSG Shinji Ikari?” asked Rei in her trademark monotone voice. It felt good to hear her say his name._

_“Yes! Do you remember me, Ayanami?” asked Shinji smiling wildly, which was pretty strange considering how he still had her pinned to the ground._

_“I do not know of this Ayanami. That is not of importance, Child of Adam, you must come with me” said Rei._

_“What?” Shinji was confused, then he put two and two together. “Are you Lilith?”_

_“Yes, I am known as Lilith. It is my mission to bring you to SEELE”_

_“...For what purpose?”_

_“To become one, end the world’s suffering, to reunite the strings of Adam”_

_Shinji’s eyes grew larger, that was SEELE’s plan, to cause another Impact…_

_“Ayanami, don’t you remember how that worked out that time? Don’t you remember my wish?” pleaded Shinji._

_Rei didn’t respond, lights came from the trees and voices began to call out. Shinji, in a split second, let go of Rei and said “Get out of here!”_

_She got up and pointed her gun at him._

_“I must bring you to SEELE”_

_The sounds were getting closer._

_“I won’t come with you, I don’t know what you want from me or why you’re called Lilith, but I’ll save you again, I promise you” declared Shinji with determined eyes._

_The soldiers had arrived but by that time, only Shinji remained at the crash site. He was asked questions but all he said was that no one had been there and whoever it was had left before he had gotten there._

_Shinji looked at the night sky stars as the trees flew past him and the wind hit his face, Rei did leave him with a few words that made him sick to the core._

_“Maybe Tabris can convince you, Child of Adam”_

_Why had she kept calling him that?_

_Why had she let him go?_

_\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Shinji turned off the car and got out of it, the path ended with a DO NOT ENTER sign and various other ones about not trespassing onto NERV property. He went to the passenger door, lifted up one of his pant sleeves and took off the black leg bracelet, it looked hauntingly familiar to the DSS Choker, tossed it on the seat and grabbed his pistol from the glove box.

He took a breath and walked over the sign into the untamed forest.

The snow was only getting colder and faster as the wind picked up speed.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_2013-4th year of the Great War_

_The fighter jets that flew past the warship didn’t help quell the freezing winds that blew furiously on the deck, a clear sign that winter was here and approaching quickly. Shinji sneezed and rubbed his nose, he hated being on ships, thank god they were coming upon land soon then he could get off this damn boat. The jets made their flyby once more and finally landed on the small strip of the deck, maybe the wind would finally calm down. He was supposed to meeting someone right about now, where the hell were they?_

_“1LT Kaji, aren't I supposed to be meeting someone right now?” asked Shinji, his eyes were deader, his stance far too relaxed for a military officer, a light stubble that hadn’t gone away for two years and a cigarette that kept going out if he lit it._

_“Yes sir, it seems she’s coming now” responded his aide as he pointed to one of the pilots getting out of the jet. Her bright red hair ties were instantly recognizable._

_So that was who he was meeting, the infamous Captain Asuka Langley Soryu also known as the ‘Red Beast’. The one who had single handedly taken down thousands of SEELE pilots all except for Lilith, Shinji had stopped calling her Ayanami at this point, who always seemed to escape the Captain’s grasp, the two had formed a bloodthirsty rivalry at this point, but she was still the greatest pilot in all of Germany and the world. Shinji was happy that she hadn’t changed one bit._

_The hot-blooded Captain confidently strutted over to where Shinji stood, along with his nervous aide who still wasn’t used to being around so many officers at a time, she stomped her feet to the ground once she had arrived in front of Shinji, he gave her a warm smile._

_“Are you Captain Shinji Ikari?” asked Captain Soryu._

_“Yes, ma'am. That would be me” answered Shinji._

_She eyed him up and down, gave him an unimpressed look, and said “I suppose you’ll do, tonight you’ll be joining me for a date. Dress professionally it’ll be at a fancy restaurant”_

_Shinji's mouth dropped open enough that his cigarette dropped out and stuttered “Wait, what?!”_

_“You heard me, I’ll make sure your assistant gets the details to you” she waved as she walked away from the awestruck men._

_“Did you know about this?” asked Shinji._

_“No…” muttered Kaji._

_“Great, she really hasn’t changed one bit” breathed Shinji out of frustration._

_._

_Osaka had once harbored over millions of people it’s bustling port city, but with the Japanese sky and land filling up with soldiers and N2 mines the millions quickly and tragically turned into a few thousand. It became a much smaller town now with most of the buildings destroyed or used for other means, mainly morgues and hospitals, but there were still some tourist and recreational buildings still operating._

_However, when Asuka had said a fancy restaurant, Shinji really didn’t think that it was going to be some random hole in the wall pub. It had some seating outside, with red lanterns lighting up the desolate street with a blood-red hue, while the inside looked to be purely for the kitchen staff to cook the food, no one else was there except for Shinji who was awkwardly standing there while wearing a semi formal black and white suit along with the cross necklace that he never took off and his tie was kinda messed up but he was sure it was fine._

_A humming sound filled his ears, it sounded like Ode to Joy, Shinji didn’t turn his head to see who it was nor did he move when arms wrapped around his shoulders to fix his unkempt tie._

_“Music is such a beautiful thing, don’t you think?” asked the voice, it hurt to feel the familiarity of those words._

_Shinji didn’t answer, instead he pulled out his knife, whipped around and raised it to the person’s neck. They stood there in a long silence staring into each other's eyes with the red light bathing over them, the color of blood had always seemed to follow them._

_“Red suits you, Child of Adam” smiled the familiar person. Such a warm smile for a cruel person._

_“Come to convince me again, Tabris?” asked Shinji, desperately wanting to call him a different name._

_“I think the only person who can convince you is yourself, don’t you want to be free?” asked Tabris._

_“The world is already free, whatever SEELE has planned it won’t go as you think it will” said Shinji._

_“It will if you help us, don’t you want the world to become one?”_

_“No, the world is already connected in the way it should be”_

_“Even with the pain of life?”_

_“The heart is easy to wound, Tabris. But that’s okay” smiled Shinji and a long time ago the white haired angel would have smiled back at him._

_“Seems I can’t change your mind, but the time will come” said Tabris walking away from Shinji._

_“Tell me, is my heart still fragile like glass?”_

_Tabris didn’t answer and disappeared into the night, leaving Shinji alone once again like he always did._

_You were right about one thing, I would never forget you but I had hoped that you would never forget me as well. Is this how Kaworu had felt all those years? Watching the person he loved be put through horrible ends and beginnings over and over? He supposed it was only fair that he got to experience it now, Shinji only wished that he could say those words back to Kaworu, the words that had been said to him such a long time ago._

_“Hey, Ikari!” yelled a loud voice, taking him out of his head._

_Shinji looked over to see Asuka, he couldn’t help but drop his mouth in awe, she had always been a beautiful person with bright blue eyes and flowing reddish hair. She was wearing a red skirt that was entirely too short for this kind of weather, although she was wearing white leggings and a red blazer that only barely covered her womanly parts._

_“I was calling your name for awhile! I can’t believe such a high-ranking officer could be so airheaded!” grumbled Asuka._

_Shinji laughed and said “I’m sorry about that, Captain Soryu. I don’t get a lot of free time so I tend to get lost in it”_

_“Hmph! I suppose I can understand this time! Now, won’t you take me to my seat or do you Japanese not have manners?” asked Asuka with her usual abrasive way of asking for help, which was rare for her to do if she ever did._

_Shinji escorted her to the nearest seat, waved down one of the staff so they knew that they were there, and moved her seat so she could sit down and took his own seat as a server came to ask for their drinks to which Asuka quickly said two glasses of whisky before Shinji could say a word and sent the server on his way._

_“I’m not much of a drinker” mumbled Shinji._

_“Religious reasons?” asked Asuka, looking a little concerned._

_“No, but-”_

_“Then you’ll be fine for tonight” said Asuka._

_“I suppose”_

_The server brought them their drink to which Shinji opened the bottle and poured their drinks, giving himself a little less than his spitfire date. They ordered their food and silently took sips for their drinks as Shinji wondered if he should start this weird set up for a meeting._

_“So...umm, the meeting that we needed to have…” began Shinji, as Asuka gave him a bored look of disapproval._

_“Do you always speak of work on your dates?”_

_“No, I don’t really have time for dates. There is a war going on, the same war that we were going to talk about…”_

_“You know, the higher-ups speak highly of you. All they ever talk about is the great Captain Shinji Ikari who can go toe to toe with the invincible Tabris” started Asuka taking another sip._

_Shinji’s heart quicked, he knew where this was going. He didn’t want to go down this road again, it never ended well for their relationship._

_“You’ve only been in the military for 4 years right? So how does a Private go from knowing nothing to being a powerful Captain?”_

_He didn’t want this, not again. Why couldn’t they just get along?_

_“I bet you grovel like a dog to get where you are now for such a respected person you sure have lost a lot of battles. It took me years to earn my rank while I’ve won every single battle, I hate men like you. You never earn anything” Asuka said coldly._

_Shinji slammed his drink on the table alarming Asuka who gave him a startled look, he wasn’t about to go through this again, he didn’t deserve it and neither did she._

_“Look, Asuka. I don’t know or care what you’ve heard about me, but there’s one thing that the higher ups aren't willing to admit but Japan’s military is in shambles, no one ranks up with experience we rank up from surviving!” ,Shinji was yelling now and stood up from his chair ,“I know I don’t deserve my rank! I know I’ve led thousands to their deaths and I **saw** how painful and lonely their deaths were but you want to know why I’m a Captain? Because the last one died and now **I’m** on the chopping block but I won’t goddamn die because my men don’t deserve that! Nor am I about to break the **one** fucking promise I was able to keep! I just want to have a simple meeting but I won’t do it with a brat!”_

_Shinji held the cross in his hand as he screamed at the red haired German, letting out the years of anger and pent-up frustration. He breathed out and said “I’m sorry, Captain Soryu...I didn’t mean-”_

_“No...I was wrong. I’m the one who should be sorry, I didn’t realize...I’ve lost people as well and every officer I spoke to just saw them as a number and I got so angry that I became one just so there would be one good one out there, it took a long time...but you don’t see them as number do you?” whispered Asuka._

_Shinji sat back down, “No, I don’t. They mean everything to me, I understand how you feel, it makes my blood boil when I see them do that. That doesn’t excuse the way I yelled at you though”_

_Asuka smiled, “I think I deserved it, I shouldn't have said those things. War has made us angry, hasn’t it?”_

_“Probably” Shinji smiled back._

_The server carefully approached them and set down their food, then quickly walked away._

_“Guess we really made a scene?” laughed Asuka._

_“I guess we did”_

_She may not have changed but at least she could learn to be forgiving. The two talked about the reason for their meeting and established more plans to hopefully win the war and destroy the enemy that they had spent so long fighting._

_The two finished their meal and decided to walk back to the naval port, the two walked side by side staying in comforting silence. Snow soon started to fall from the night sky, coating the ground in a fluffy white sheet of ice._

_“I love the snow, don’t you?” asked Shinji._

_“Not really, it always feels too cold and there's always too much of it” answered Asuka._

_“That’s a shame, but I guess Germany gets a lot of it, huh?”_

_“Du hast keine ahnung” muttered Asuka in perfect German._

_Shinji laughed, although he didn’t understand what Asuka had said, he should really read up on the language._

_“That aid of yours looked like he had a heart attack after I asked you out” smiled Asuka._

_“I think you gave him one, he’s a perfectionist so anything that isn’t a part of the plan freaks him out”_

_“I’ll have to apologize” snickered Asuka._

_“He’s a little scared of angry red haired pilots”_

_“I can change that..”_

_Shinji smiled and thought of how flustered his aide would get with an idea like that, Hosho Kaji wasn’t exactly a smooth talker._

_“She must’ve meant a lot to you” whispered Asuka._

_“Who?”_

_“The girl who gave you the cross”_

_“What made you think it was a girl?”_

_“Oh! Um...I didn’t…” stammered Asuka._

_Shinji chuckled and smiled “It was a girl, she such a slob and basically an alcoholic”_

_Asuka gave him a look of distaste and muttered “Yeah...sounds wonderful”_

_“But….I still loved her. She was kind, lovable in a way and she...was there for me when I really needed it” Shinji clutched the cross with his hand._

_“Is she still around?”_

_“...No”_

_Asuka wrapped her body around Shinji’s arm, stopping them from walking, she felt him flinch ever so slightly but soon relaxed into it. The snow kept falling around them, forming almost their own little circle free of the white precipitation, it landed on their shoulders and heads._

_“You know...I felt like I had seen that cross from somewhere, I just don’t know where. It’s funny I hated you and made this whole date in order to tear you a new one but now...I feel connected to you, like we’ve met before..” whispered Asuka as she moved her lips towards Shinji’s._

_She closed her eyes and felt something warm wrap around her mouth. She opened them to see Shinji’s hand stopping them from making contact, his dead eyes looked so sad, so painful._

_“Asuka...do yourself a favor and forget about me. Whatever you’re feeling right now, forget about it, trust me” said Shinji sternly yet his voice wavered._

_He walked away into the night, leaving Asuka alone lit up by the glow of the moon._

_“Shinji Ikari...just who are you?”_

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The grey colored double headed relic stood towering over the small patch of forest, the dying vines and dirt of the earth have started to take over the man-made object of mystery. The original white paint had been rusted away taken over by grey stone almost encasing the truth inside of itself, the truth of worlds that had since past, of worlds that had long been forgotten that needed to be forgotten.

Shinji stopped just short of the relic in front of him, the foggy warm breath filled the air around him, the snow was coming down harder now but not hard enough where it was in the way of his sight. A figure moved from behind the statute and approached Shinji without a care in the world.

“Fuyutsuki” 

“Child of Adam”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_2014_

_The last hour of the Great War. After Near-Second Impact._

_Asuka’s head throbbed in pain, it was dark but she could feel the wind hitting her face. She tried to remember what had happened, who was she?_

_“I’m Asuka Langley Soryu!” she said without moving her lips._

_That’s right…_

_She opened her eyes, yet the right side was still in darkness, she looked down at her arm which was covered in blood-soaked bandages then she moved her throbbing head to look around, she was in a very fast moving military vehicle with the torn aparts trees whizzing past her, thank goddess she was wearing a seatbelt or she would’ve tumbling out the vehicle by now. The eye that could actually see looked over in the back to see the motionless, bloodied bodies of a boy and girl they looked to be breathing but just barely._

_As her vision started to clear up she realized just who the motionless people were, they were Tabris and Lilith. No...those weren’t their names, were they?_

_“I hate that First Child bitch Rei!”_

_Rei…_

_Kaworu...the boy she had ever met but he was the one who had killed her…_

_Then for the first time she realized that the entire vehicle was covered in blood, she looked at herself once again and noticed that blood caked the seat belt although with the rest of her aching body. Asuka turned her head to see the driver...it was Shinji, he was covered head to toe in blood with it still leaking out of his body, he was panting heavily like he had ran a marathon._

_Shinji’s hands and wrists looked like they had been set in boiling water with red blisters forming and chunks of skin and muscle crushing up with black chunks. His torso was completely soaked in blood with the red liquid still slightly leaking out, his mouth had….were those bits of skin?_

_“I’m so fucked up” whispered Shinji standing over her in a white room._

_“Idiot Shinji, no one could possibly love you!”_

_“I just want the world to die!”_

_._

_Asuka raised her non-banged hand slowly and reached for Shinji’s cheek, he didn’t seem to notice so she paused her movement for a small moment, then she pressed her hand into his warm cheek._

_He stopped the car, slamming on the brakes almost throwing them all out of it._

_Shinji turned his head to look at her, she didn’t move her hand._

_His eyes widened as he started at her, they were blood-red like the humanoid angels behind them._

_He looked scared, like he wanted to scream but he looked so sad and worn as his face expression slowly relaxed._

_Asuka just returned his stare with a knowing look in her eyes, Shinji’s eyes formed tears that soon streaked down his face leaving trails in the blood._

_“Shinji…” she whispered._

_His burned hands reached out her neck, but he stopped just short of touching the skin then moved them to her cheeks._

_Nothing was spoken, they couldn’t find the words._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m guessing they failed?” asked Fuyutsuki.

Shinji just glared at him.

“Does he know the truth?”

“I’ll tell him what he needs to know” answered Shinji.

Fuyutsuki laughed at him, “Now you’re starting to sound like your father”

“I’m sure he would be proud to know that I’ve become just as ruthless as him” smiled Shinji, it wasn’t a pleasant smile.

It was Fuyutsuki’s turn to glare at Shinji with disapproval.

.

“I’m surprised that you haven’t asked abo-” _**BANG!**_

Fuyutsuki coughed up blood as he looked down at the red stain leaking onto his white jacket. The smoking gun felt warm in Shinji’s hand after he had fired it, he put it back in his pocket and walked over to Fuyutsuki who fell to his knees, the blood spilled out onto the snow flowing in lines across the ground.

“It had been...my idea...to turn...you into the vessel...for...Adam” sputtered Fuyutsuki.

Shinji remained standing up, looking down at the old man with his glowing red eyes, “I know…”

“Yet, you still...hired me..” smiled Fuyutsuki.

“It’s what she would’ve wanted” 

Shinji knelt down to Fuyutsuki’s level, his breathing labored and growing weaker, he then laid the old man down onto the snow facing the sky.

“I never...told him...about Yui…” whispered Fuyutsuki.

“I don’t blame you”

“Do you...think...she’ll still…?”

“Of course”

.

“Make...sure to tell them…the truth...Ikari..I’m…”

“It’s okay”

Life ebbed away from his eyes and soon there was nothing left, at least he died with a smile on his face, the old man may not deserve peace but maybe he could find it. Shinji got up onto his feet and looked at the moon with it’s red streak of death. The stone headed looked down at him as he walked away.

Soon enough, he was back at his car where he put the ankle bracelet back on and put the gun back in its place. His eyes turned back to their normal, human color and nerves calmed a bit as he took a drag from his cigarette that he didn’t remember lighting, then he made a phone call.

_Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring._

“Ikari, do you have idea on how late it is?” 

“Fuyutsuki has been neutralized”

“What?! How?! Does the board know?” 

“I’ll need you here tomorrow morning”

“They’ll have your hide for this, you know that right?”

“It was worth it, trust me”

Shinji hung up the phone after that and drove, a little faster than he should have back to his apartment. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji opened the door to Misato and Kaji’s apartment, he walked slowly and carefully into the private living quarters. He had taken the key from Misato after the doctors had come to take her away from their tender moment, his lips had been so close to hers yet didn’t make a move on her which was the right thing to do, it would’ve just been more confusing for Misato if he had acted on his old feelings. It’s not like they had ever talked about their feelings in the past, well...there had been one world Shinji did indulge in her a little too much, he never did it again after that, it had been too much for them.

A black and white cat appeared in front of him, meowing frantically for attention and food, Shinji knelt down to rub the cat on the chin and worked up to the ears. The collar read ‘Pen-Pen’, Shinji smiled and said out loud “I missed you, Pen-Pen”.

The cat just meowed in response.

“Let’s get you some food, okay?”

He looked around the apartment for any cat food, he chuckled a little to himself when he had found a rather large stash of beer cans in the fridge which were obviously Misato’s. Finally, he found the cat food and gave it to the overly excited cat. In Shinji’s curiosity, he walked into the bedroom of the apartment, he knew he shouldn't be snooping but no one would find out so it’ll be fine just this once.

Shinji picked up a framed picture on the dresser, it was of Misato and an older man smiling with bunny ears behind both of their heads. He turned the frame around to see a small message written on the back of it, there wasn’t a date on it.

_Hey kiddo!_

_This is your dear old dad radioing in!_

_I’m super proud of you making it through University! Plus, now you’re going into the military! I know I wasn’t very happy about it in the beginning but you’re going to do great things no matter what you do, if I could accept Kaji then I can accept this!_

_I found this picture in your things so I thought you might like to have it as a reminder to call me every once in a while! I miss you already!_

_Love,_

_Your father_

Shinji put the picture back down and let the tears flow out of his eyes, oddly enough he was smiling but sad at the same time, not sad for Misato but for himself. God, he was such a selfish person being sad over the fact that he couldn’t make her happy but he was still glad because she had finally found her happiness. He wiped away his tears and began to walk out of the apartment until Pen-Pen stopped him wanting more attention.

Shinji smiled, “You can come home with me, I’ve been trying to warm Kaworu up to cats anyways” He grabbed a bag of food and scooped up the cat, who rubbed its face against his cross necklace.

As he closed the door behind him, he thought to himself.

‘ _See you soon’_

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji set the cat down as he walked in the door, Kaworu didn’t look pleased to see the creature roam around the house. 

“You know how I feel about cats..mphf!” 

Kawrou’s displeasure was interrupted by Shinji’s mouth colliding with his, Shinji pressed their bodies closer to the point where there almost no space between them then he wrapped his arms around Kawrou’s shoulders who also did the same, Shinji was cute when he got desperate for any semblance of touch no matter what it what it was. Their tongues danced in their warm mouths until Shinji finally let go to catch his breath letting Kaworu do the same, “Are you okay?”

“I just want you, all of you” whispered Shinji, hugging Kaworu tighter.

“I can do that” smiled Kaworu.

.

.

Their bare legs intertwined, with their respective ankle bracelets clinging together, while Shinji’s arms wrapped around Kaworu’s waist, his significant other was tracing the scars along his torso with pale fingers, especially the rather large one that took up his abdomen. Kaworu grimaced as he felt the tight knot of the bundle of skin that never quite healed right, Shinji looked up at him and smiled his quiet, shy smile that he rarely ever showed anymore.

“Are you feeling better?” asked Kaworu, now using his other hand to touch Shinji’s soft hair.

“A little bit” answered Shinji, rubbing his face into Kaworu’s hand.

Kaworu didn’t say anything in response, only giving him a sympathetic look.

“I did the merciful thing...I let him die in peace” whispered Shinji.

“I see…” responded Kaworu.

“Like I did with you, and what you did to me” 

Kaworu’s smile went away.

“It was only right for his creation to kill him”

“You aren’t a creation, Shinji”

“But I’m not human anymore...so in a way I am. So are you and Rei, the last that remains of Adam. Do you think they can handle that truth?”

“Yes, I think they can. Because they’ll have you, Shinji. You are the most human of us all, you told me that we are all human no matter how we arrived on this Earth. We are still human.” smiled Kaworu.

“You’re right, Kaworu. I’ve been doubting myself so much lately”

“It’s alright, it’s okay to doubt at times. It means we’re still alive”

“Using my own words, against me?” laughed Shinji.

“Of course, let’s sleep Shinji. We have a long day ahead” said Kaworu, wrapping himself around Shinji.

“Yeah…”

Shinji looked up at the window to look at the red eyes looking at him from the sky, the moon’s wicked face looked at him with an unnerving glee, it’s smile was permanently stuck to look happy and its black sunken eyes with beady red eyes. Shinji smiled back knowing that it wouldn’t calm his nerves but it was worth a try.

.

It was always worth a try.


End file.
